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Marry someone who can make you laugh in public and scream in bed.
– Me giving my friend relationship device (via emoties)

(Source: dafunnyposts, via cocainefiasco)

Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Guy: Well...yeah.
Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you